Friday, January 28, 2005

Memory Loss as Natural Positive

The healthy failure of memory is a blessing. We can move on with memories that fade or change, leaving us less encumbered by the past. Entropy serves a similiar function for the physical world. Entropy defines time. What does the rate of memory loss define?

The desire to live in the past, for things to not fail, and for memories to stay clear is a denial of life. Study history, maintain your car, and reminisce about the past; all these things are healthy. It is the drive to escape the march of progress by retreating into the past, keeping things the same, and never forgetting that is the product of a weakening mind. When a christian wants the church of today to be like the early church, or a parent of a dead child desperately tries to picture his face every day, or leaders hold too long to the ways of the past, all these things are simple examples of weak minds grasp for a way out of the dynamic and ever moving stream of change. They want out. This very mind set will drown them in the end. Change always wins out. The new always replaces the old.

I'm glad I forgot so much of my past because it has left me free to have so much of my future.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Morality is a Means Not an End

Healthy morality is utile. The support for morality is pragmatic benefit to the person, group, or race. When a moral system or a part of a moral system looses its utility it should be discarded. Any adherence to morality that is no longer useful is slavish. A person or group that adheres to useless morality has made themselves slaves and condescended their own minds into this confine. A slavish mind avoids punishment and looks for a way out. Every slavish mind will struggle with the desire to obey and the desire to revolt.

Healthy morality is a means. When morality becomes the end growth has stopped and freedom of mind has been lost in a salt lake from which no one is satiated. Morality must remain a means for it to remain healthy. Once you hold up morality as an achievement you've lost what was living within you and committed yourself to futility.

The point is not to be more or less moral. That is the language of the sick slavish moralists.

The symptom of this sickness is not that morality is being discussed; it is that it is being discussed as something valuable in and of itself. As if you should be moral for the sake of being moral. Discussion centering on the various merits of a morality with the goal of improving and refining it so that it will better fulfill its purpose is an act of a vibrant mind. A living morality is always being judged against its efficiency to fulfill its goal. A healthy living morality will always be in the fire, on the anvil and in the water again. Healthy discussions of morality are technical like a sprinter discussing good running form, or a programmer talking about language syntax and logic organization. Morality is a means. Some may call it a way.

I can not be immoral. I can only lack your morals. A difference in morals is not necessarily a difference in purpose, but a difference in means to achieve the purpose.

If you wish to criticize my morals you should explain how a change would better serve me. I will not take up a moral to be more like you, or because you passionately think I should. I will take up a moral if it benefits me. How do your morals serve you? You had better be ready to defend your morals with an explanation of how they improve your life before you approach me with moral reproach. I have little toleration for sick slavish morality, and zero sympathy for those who wish to spread their disease to others.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

I have affection for Jesus

I have affection for Jesus. If I could scrape the taint and tint of Paul from my understanding of him I feel certain that he would shine the brighter. Jesus believed what he preached and he lived it. He was a revolutionary. He was no scholar. He was not a professor or a pastor. These are reflective and passive styles of living. Jesus was active. He moved, he spoke, he became himself with such surity that I sit back in my chair impressed and envious. He believed that the kingdom of heaven was immediate, part of life and something that was within the grasp of man - that was his good news.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Will They Gape in Awe at Our Lives?

Will future generations marvel at our work lives wondering how we lived under such conditions? "How did they put up with it? They had so little free time, and the time they had they spent escaping" Imagine confused and troubled looks on the innocent faces of the future.

Yes, children of the future I drive a vehicle that burns fossil fuel and I drive it myself without computer assistance. I drink. I smoke. Yes, this is all still carcinogenic in my time. I eat foods that are equally poisonous. I handle paper money. I drink a stimulant daily. In fact it is provided free of charge by my employer. We are barbarians to the future and angels to the past but we are the same thing at this moment that those of the future and past were in their time; men. Men with a barabaric foundation and the promise of the future - we are all fruit and seed - we are all antiquated and modern in measure.

Expectations for your life

Your expectations for your life are cards spread out in front of you. With each new expectation a new card has been drawn and added. The layout never fortold that you would be where you are now. Their message is only whether you would be happy where you are now.

Differing expectations, of those you give significance to, lay cross-wise against your own cards. These are areas of conflict until they are aligned. Even matched cards have only one message; magnified.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Benevolence is dominance without opposition.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Hope as a tool for reality creation

Some hopes generate ideas. Ideas attract devotion and with devotion comes resultant definition. The process of one hope becoming a defining devotion is the process of fulfillment.

A wish is a hope that can not even generate ideas.
A dream is a hope that can not produce devotion.

A hope is a seed of change. I hope that a new science of human experience will help me measure and predict this element of my environment. This was the goal of science in previous areas of the human environment: to understand, to control where possible and to predict where control is not possible.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Be Ready When I Come

I have not forgotten you. I often think of you and the struggle you survive to retain your differences. While you wait for my arrival remember this, you have no greater purpose than to be who you are, or put another way, fulfill your nature. If you want to honor me and prepare yourself for me then be simple, deep and deliberate. Structure your life in such a way that you are always full of energy, both potential and kinetic, in this way you will be ready when I come.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Greater Good News

There is no greater good news than this, "The path to a meaningful life can be found in fulfilling your nature, being yourself, and trimming away everything that is not-you." The good news is that your life can be full of meaning if you but become who you are.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Devotion is the loss of hope

Devotion imbues life with purpose.

Devotion is the loss of hope. This does not mean the absence of hope, nor does it mean an over all diminishing in the quantity of hope. The loss of hope means more specifically the loss of specific hopes. The number of individual hopes will diminish and lend their weight to the surviving hopes. Devotion is the loss of hope because choices have been made. Decision allows devotion which narrows the choices still possible. Devotion itself is a focusing, a narrowing of effort, a narrowing of hope, a narrowing of possibility.

When life is dyed in devotion it takes on the color of purpose. Purpose is the royal color, the hue of heroes, and it is exceedingly expensive due to the extreme scarcity of its source. It is derived from beating the roots of a rare species of plant against a stone over and over until its precious ichor bleeds down the side of the beating stone.

Further complicating the availability of this color is the difficulty in identification. It contains few distinguishing marks and often resembles whatever plant is dominant around it. Only a prolonged examination will reveal the necessary plant. When the wind blows heavily from one direction and then from another watch how the plants bend and you will see a difference among them.

If you ask yourself, "What is the purpose of my life", realize that you can only answer this question by shedding hope.

Maybe you feel so little hope in life because you have so many hopes for life.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Using the Befouled Word, "goals"

Financial planning, a depressing topic much the way stories of romance and genius are depressing. Every example seems too perfect and just a few inches out of reach, or completely untranslatable to personal circumstance. Too many options for savings and investing, overwhelms. Its like hearing advice on dating except no one says when you quit looking you'll find it. Instead you hear promises of wealth and retirement that sound good, seem in tune, but just don't sound real.

All of these topics crush the seeker under their 20/20 vision examples where everything works out and what about the other examples the ones where some unlucky financial planner planned it all up, saved, invested watched it all everyday and some market correction, disaster, scandel or some other event named "out of your control" didn't follow his little plan and left him with a massive set back and now he's working at Home Depot at 72 years of age. Fuck that shit. Financial planning stinks too much like a bunch of Baptists explaining in great detail how to make your life over in their own image and how then it will all be just peachy.

God himself may not give you what you ask for, but rest assured that you will get what you ask yourself for (reap... sow). If you don't ask yourself for anything, you'll get nothing out of your life. This is just a different way of talking about expectations for yourself without using the befouled word, "goals".

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

I am Unescapable

We choose to be positive or negative. Given any situation the charge of our response is deliberate. Bad things will happen to a person without regard to any unique aspect of that person. Good things will happen with similiar disregard. What does depend on an individual's aspect is his response to those things that happen to him. It is to this extent that that we begin to control our lives.

When looking behind us we see the waves of cause that turn actions into reactions, and when looking forward we see reactions becoming actions. The past is full of causes and responses. The future is full of effects and actions. This is the extent to which our will is free.

The universal chain of events is unescapable, and so am I.

Christianity has taught us to dispise life

Christianity has taught us to dispise life, to regret living and to hope for death. Under this philosophy men endure life, hoping that their flawed and broken humanity doesn't rob them of a promise to be fulfilled after their life. This hateful doctrine says that even little children are flawed and need to be bathed in metaphysical blood. This teaching encourages the individual to distrust his own mind, instincts and experience. This is a lack of faith in our own humanity, a rejection of the lives we have been given. They are something to be suffered through.

I say the flesh is pure, and humanity is a gift I received at birth. I don't regret being alive. I don't mourn today, and I don't dread tomorrow. I trust in myself and know that I am good.

I rest assure that I'm doing my best and working on my mistakes and that the entire process can be enjoyable. I say can be, because I still have to shake off the life destroying teachings of my childhood. Its hard to be comfortable with living when you have been brought up to be your own harshest judge, and the judgements allow for no true life only a hope for death and a daily suppress and mistrust of the very life and humanity that we were given as a free gift.

Christianity must be one of the saddest things God has ever witnessed happen to his creation.

Extremes in Moderation

There is a place for extremes in the style of moderation. Food has spice, fashion has flare, and love has passion; when done well all are relatively minor.

Too much salt added to a dish means you don't like it very much, the same is true for those who live too extreme.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

The Chef of Self

The right environment can really increase my energy levels. I spend time at my parents house and my brain slows way down which leads to less things to say. I look around and everything is centered around the TV as if that is all that is done in this location. I spend time in my apartment and I'm stimulated and ready to work, think, talk, play; everthing. Last night I had to take a sleeping pill just to settle down and go to sleep, I wanted to stay up and write or read or... its the drive to create and act - an energy that I love to have and when I don't have it I'm trying to get it. My girlfriends house is more stimulating than my parents by far, but it still can't compete with what I've got set up at my apartment. Of course I spent lots of time and energy making it a productive environment. I loved the way I felt last night and that just drove home how important it will be for me to ensure this kind of environment in my next house.

We are not just what we eat, but what we do and where we live. If I want to increase my joy of thought I need to take all of these factors seriously. A chef of self must prepare his living environment, this is much like keeping knives sharp and the counters clean, its essential for the process of cooking.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Monday Reminder

Monday, wake-up with head-ache, and a long day in front of me. Trying to work up a smile, but achieve something less. Too many aches and pains these days. Lungs tired and laboring under a changed burden. Routine helps monday mornings at least be productive and on time. There is no classic brain body seperation and every Monday I'm reminded of this truth.

Nietzsche says "Yes"

Nietzsche says that we should say, "Yes" to life. Until I read this I never realized that my life was asking me a question. My life speaks like any other challenge. I need to answer, "Yes". I need to remember to keep saying, "Yes" as the challenge changes. A negative answer has no purpose but self defeat and retreat, yet this answer is common and seems to come easily to the lips. Saying, "No" to the questions of life seems to damage some individuals worse than others. To understand this I use the image of a dog living in an apartment. A small dog may not be depressed by this at all finding the space adequate and the walks more than sufficient for its nature. A larger dog will find the same space a prison, and the walks a torment of expectation and unfulfillment. The large dog is damaged in a way that the small dog could never be. Some of us need to begin saying "Yes" to life more than others. Some of us are large dogs inhabiting small lives and the worst walls that confine are perspective, approach and attitude. Don't dismiss these elements of your reality they are among the most meaningful. You don't dismiss depression when it eats at you, you don't dismiss anger when it fills your mind; the confining walls I'm talking about are no less substantive than these. Take your situation seriously and realize that the first change is direction. Say "Yes" to the question that your own life is asking you.

This is the challenge I give myself, to say "Yes" the the question my life is asking me and to ignore the questions other people's lives are asking. I'm a big dog, legs stiff with the need to run, jaw aching with the need to tear, and most of all I want to feel the wind of my own running against my face.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Value, quality, meaning, purpose; dangerous words to a mind that takes them seriously.

Embrace Hate

Have someone to hate and you will ensure your mental health. Find an opponent and set yourself against him. If someone chooses you, for this role, accept their challenge and revel in the honor of their hate. Embrace rivalry, embrace passionate opposition to an other. Lacking an external object of hate, which is the starting block for great actions of all kinds, an internal object of hate will be used. This is an enevitable natural mechanism of the human brain. This is self-hate. This is guilt. This is shame. The collective mind of a social group is subject to these same patterns. Competition is not only good for growth and progress it is good to have opponents. Without opposition we are less. Without hate in your heart you can not have love. Without an opponent you can not have passionate endeavor. Choose the best and most honorable to hate. Embrace hate and choose your opponents well.

Creation is a type of communication

Creation is a type of communication. The message is often outside of the range of vocal communication. When received and translated into vocalization, the interpretations will vary widely. This kind of communication is much like parables. A parable can be told and retold without guarantee of understanding or how it will be understood. This is the communication style of the traditional arts and all other forms of creative expression. The message transmitted through this style of communication typically has low fidelity and high fucundity.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

The Simple Desire of the Pack

I don't want to end up with Nietzsche's personal life. That is not the life that I want. I want love and affection. I want companionship. I'm willing to pay the cost for these things.

I want a witness for my personal triumphs, at least someone to be happy with me when I've achieved something. These personally driven goals can only be communicated to a few people; limited by understanding, mental ability, or simple interest. I've always wanted to run with a pack for this very reason: they know and love me, they see me every day, they will understand.

Its a simple desire, to be understood, but difficult to fulfill.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

How to Find Me Beautiful

Given that an objective point of view is impossible, what do we mean by this phrasology?

You won't find me beautiful until you understand my utility. You won't love me until you understand how I can benefit you. Rest assured that if I love you or find you attractive to any degree I have understood these things; you have a known value to me.

Women in General

If I am to talk about women in general, most of my comments will necessarily not be dependant on their physical gender but their cultural gender. Understanding of this social division will be approximately 10% physical and 90% cultural.

The influence of men on a woman is almost non-existant, except for immediate family members, until puberty. The influence of women on a woman is massive at an early age and doesn't begin to dissipate until marriage or mature adulthood.

Monday, January 03, 2005

I will be a new self in a matter of months

Choices will be made this year. I can already feel significant changes in my truth structure. I will be a new self in a matter of months.

New habits displace old. New lifestyles force new selves to emerge. Limits force us to specialize, to change, to lose, and to grow. I miss my old selves, but a man who can only afford one car keeps the one he needs and lets the rest go.