Thursday, June 30, 2005

My Struggle

Why does it feel so hard to live? It, of course, doesn't always feel this way, but there are unambiguous moments when the daily act of living is a struggle. The mind slows down and finds normal stimluous painful, the desire to escape, to sleep, to drink, to take some action to cease the struggle. The mind will also, on different days, look for the cause of the pain and struggle. When you wonder, "Why is today so hard", your mind looks externally to others for answers... The question can easily become, "Who is making my life so hard". Both reactions have there pits and traps, both are equally often foolish wastes of time and potential. Regardless, life can be hard and our mind will naturally begin solving this problem.

Monday, June 27, 2005

The Gods of My Fathers

The beliefs of childhhood, the foundation laid by our fathers in how we understand the world and our spirituality, rest beneath reason and resist the questions of mature understanding. When these gods are reviewed and the mature mind desires to understand and integrate them into experience there arises an inherent nervousness and uncertainty. This is the moment of choice when we can choose to make these gods our own, or we can choose to adopt them and avoid the stress of personal discovery. The cost of and decision of true education.

As a younger man I addressed these issues as most young men do, a sophmoric release of fetters, a violent departure, and self assertion, but this left the task incomplete. For years I have put off this task and pointed reason in other directions, less personal, happy to retain my comfort and let the task rest. Whether I should have completed this all at once or if the task itself must be completed in stages as I am able to handle it, I do not know. I do know that I am driven to take up the effort again and take it as far as I am able.

I am motivated by the belief that we should not blindly accept what we have the capacity to understand and make our own. I hesitate because the task effects comforts and foundations that have been my good support even if I have been unaware of their extent. How can I say I believe if I am not willing to understand?

Friday, June 17, 2005

The First Bite of a New Understanding

Precondition: Familiarity with Genesis, the Edge of the Map, and an Honest Desire to Understand

Before our knowledge of good and evil, god was unknown to us. We were mingled with him, like a child before a self-image; before he is self aware. The storied apple, not the fabled one of poison and long sleep, but the apple that traded our innocence for knowledge: That apple, which we ever choose to eat again and again, represents the birth of consciousness in man; our first choice to know even at cost. We've always been willing to pay dearly for a real education. This garden was the womb of preconscious man. When we began to know, we gained an edge, god was pushed away from us by our new found understanding and we were aware. We awoke from the long dream of evolution's march. We awoke and left our childhood home, with a small map and an edge, close enough to comfort our fears, destined to continue this map we had started; destined to continue paying the cost over and over again for greater and greater knowledge of good and evil. We have ever been lovers of truth, never holding the edge close but pushing it further and further away. A true man of god will always choose to eat the apple, just as our first father did. A true man of god understands the apple and how this reveals the truth of manna, and the decline of miracles and religion.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Our Government

I'm asking myself, how much responsibility should I rightly have in the state of our government. I'm concerned by the loss of personal freedoms. I'm even more concerned that I hear no voices representing this concern.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Memorizing Scripture

There is little benefit in memorizing scripture. Memorized scripture, when it is actually done and not just talked about, is generally used to impress other people. Its use in sharing faith is of vastly less benefit than actually communicating like a normal person, retlating experience and listening.