Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Five Degree Misdirection

There are certain understandings that slip away and then ease back to me. I keep realizing them, over and over, like I'm rotating around the sun. I wonder if I'm turned five degrees in the wrong way, and that's what accounts for slight slippage in illumination.
One of these occasional misdirections that I experience involves the creative color of my life. At times I will pay attention to my level of creativity and nurse it daily. This is a productive and enjoyable life style. Responsibilities are met, and creatively at that. Then a shadow falls and my responsibilities choke out the energy I used to maintain the creative environment and activities, and at first I'm more productive, but soon this dwindles and without creative imagination making life fun it just becomes a painful chore. Suffering begins. Then the light comes on, and I remember, once again, that I must maintain certain aspects of my life for it to be worth living. Productivity makes many things, but a good life is not one of them.
I must be useful to myself before I can be useful to my friends.

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