Thursday, May 18, 2006

I Hear What You're Saying

There are mornings, sitting at my desk, when I long to move to an unknown city, be poor, be lonely and hungry for success again. I miss the happy care free parties of my youth when we were all clueless and free of responsibility. We had little to loose because we had done so little that was productive. We had just enough education to feel sharp and insightful, and not nearly enough to humble and weight our thoughts, they were light because they were empty. Have I ever enjoyed conversation so much?

Now, I know these are thoughts not meant to remember, but meant to be a prelude to change. Everything has purpose, we are pragmatic machines. So instead of enjoying the memory I wonder at what changes are brewing and bubbling up inside, what tides of drive must I contend with, and how long do I have before the struggle. I welcome it, but that never makes it easier.

Come change, you are welcome here, but I dread all that will transpire. I'm convinced utopias all have a similar element; freedom from change. All utopias are imagined to last forever, in a perfect state set forth by their inspired founders. I struggle with little unnamed utopian dreams, as I imagine everyone does. Working to get something just right, put that last piece in place, and just cruise in a perfect space... Then change comes and blows away the thick smoke of these working class blankets and comforters.

Change is coming, that natural inescapable force of my nature, and I will welcome it and let it rob me of my comfort and imagined futures. I will cling for a short time, not hard enough that it can't over power me, and not long enough that it passes. I will not resist too much.

These innocent seeming memories, of past exploits and pleasures, they come to you on occasion. They always come for a reason. I've described mine, there are many. We are pragmatic purposeful machines, and these memories are a language of argument and persuasion employed between parts of your sub conscious mind. Its all you, but you are many. Attune your ear to hear their words and read their intentions and you will be a better manager of your self.

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