Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Next week is my black shirt week.
Cleanse the system.
Change the habits.
My semi-monastic month,
once a year.

The week before is always akward,
want to get in vices before
but mental prepared and ready
to give them up.

Every year at least one vice doesn't
survive
doesn't get added back into the rotation.

Through a careful application of abstinance
We are learning moderation
for the sole purpose of improving
ourselves, so that we are more ourselves
more capable of being the primo us.

A New Burger

There are other ways to live.
(Historically there have been a rich variety)
I'm not talking about the
"variety" we see around us.
I really don't know exactly what I'm talking about.
Except
a belief that there are other ways.
(quality ways)
I would just like to witness
a couple
and make
a selection.

I guess I"m looking for a menu
or recipe book, but there really are none.
Oh many claim to be, but they are
all just variations
on the same dish.
Like ordering a coffee at Starbucks,
all coffee with minor variations.
Or like ordering anything at McDonald's,
it all tastes like McDonald's.

I'm not looking for another way to cook chicken
but a radically different diet
consisting of mushrooms and food pellets
providing me with spiritual moments
and perfect health.

I hate even admitting
that I'm interested
in looking at a menu.
I keep expecting the salesmen
of Christ, Vishnu, Yoga,
Oriental Medicine, or whatever,
to start knocking on my door.
Saying, "We have exactly what you want!"
Saying, "One drink of this miracle elixir will cure all that ails you."
Snake oil salesmen, all.

They don't. They are all veneers.
They taste like McDonald's.
And I know you can develop a taste
for McDonald's and it can even be
comforting,
but I've got a good path as it is,
no need to make lateral trades.
(worse in most cases, just being kind)

I want to trade up.
I want a new high.
I want a new burger,
but I would really like to see a menu
and maybe see some before and after pictures.

(I'm going to go shut my door,
turn off the lights,
and post a no solicitation sign
before its too late.)

Surely as a species
we can be more creative
about the way we live
congregate
and work together.
I'm really dissapointed in us (humans)
and bored with us too.

We can do better.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

I Apologize

White Russians tonight
missed 'em
been since the holidays.
Stumbled onto a worthy
jazz electronica album today
lots of trumpet
and drones.

There are days
that I can barely imagine
keeping up this mental stress
this driving pace
for another year.
How can I bring myself to do it
Where will the energy come from
I'm tapped
Reserves depleted,
and I have partial
memories
of times recent past
when I had reserves
tapped into the Earth's core
So much enthusiasm.
So much optimism.

I'm still optimistic, mostly
but I think I'm running
on momentum now
old inertia
still propelling me
at life.
I'll find my spot,
where I can rest
and build
reserves.
a spot to rest
a couch on Sunday after all the chores are done
a few of those
and I'll be energy positive again
just a few
and I'll be back.

In the meantime
I've got my white Russians
and jazz electronica
to keep me from thinking about the one
while staying patient for the other.

(If that was overly cryptic I apologize.)

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

A Form of Sleep

How long has it been since I didn’t feel tired?

I can’t remember.

Huh,

weird.

There are moments I feel wired,
amazing and ready,
but mostly I feel exhausted
and in need of pastoral
scenes of steers
chewing
and looking up on
occasion,
bleary eyed,
like they had just woken up
from a form of sleep
that they enter while eating.
that and some nice red wine
maybe a cotes du rhone
or bourdoux
and time,
blessed time,
a wealth of time.

Friday, August 17, 2007

What did you say?

I screamed coming in;
I want to be quiet going out.
It’s so I can listen better,
but I’ll probably be talking.

I will have been preparing,
for last speeches,
last advice, and
concluding opinions.
It is how I know to show I care, and
will probably seem more immediate
than listening.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Patiently Waiting

I feel ugly today
ugly inside
like the awkward kid
worried about being beaten
at school again
or at home
or maybe more like the kid that beats him
at school
and only gets beat
at home.

He's solving the problems he can
Neither are comfortable
both seek solitude
both patiently wait
to not feel like this anymore
to just live
without so much struggle
day to day.

Easy to see how human minds
first started to imagine
heaven
nirvana, etc.
Real undisturbed rest
at last.

I wonder if anyone really minds
dying from old age
is it always a release
is the last exhale
a sigh
of relief.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

American Sea Change

A wave has crested

Change feels inevitable

Disillusionment is commonplace

Mistrust of the prevailing social order

Feels honest


It may not come during my lifetime

The wave of a nation is large

Measured in generations

Between crests

But it comes

And we feel it pulling at us

Plucking those taunt strings of meaning

That we have recently become so aware of

Sore muscles we didn’t know

A shift

Or a discovery

Of what the good life means to us

To our generation

Beginning to take power

Beginning to take responsibility


I’m ready for a change

The tune life is pulling from me

Compels me to move

To think

Not in refinements to what our parents did

But in wholesale change

Radical redefinition

Creative reinvention

Of our national self image

Of the American dream

Of the good life


A wave has crested

And a generation comes to power

Generation X

The first generation to be accelerated by technology

The first generation to be more mature than the preceding

The last generation that will remember the way it used to be

Before

The American sea change


We have been slow to move

But the tune is personal and compelling

And what we do is not rash

It is inevitable

And we all begin to feel the need

To move

Towards the only honest direction

That leaves hope for those that will replace us.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Two Beers... and bam.

I really should have had a coach for this
life -
living -
this existing -
This needs more attention.
We should really get better training
for this.
This making it from day to day
after so many years
spent living.
Too much piles up
and memories long forgotten
can jump back at you:
Two beers into a good
Friday night
and bam.
You are there, you feel it;
the unnamable state of mind
of an unstable intellectual
in college.
Wonderful and depressing,
Rich and thin,
Like a French soup:
Bam.
Not fair.
Not fucking fair at all.