Friday, August 29, 2008

First Affection

I cried the first time a girl showed me affection.
I'm not talking sex, blowjobs, or making out.
I'm talking about tender affection
kisses that mean something ,
other than fucking.

I cried:
Not for a second,
Not a head turn
and an excuse.

I cried
on her lap
for minutes,
slow minutes.

Other guys would have been
working open button flies
and snapping elastic
all the way down
to her ankles.

I put my head down
in her lap, comfort not desire,
thoughts of pussy
pushed aside
for caring,
comfort,
and fresh unexpected
need.

She touched me
with such honest
unmetered love and caring
that it broke something within me
- something from childhood
- something artificial.

I cried in that girls lap
long enough to be relaxed
for the first time.
It felt good.

Open affection was
an experience
unexpected.

I melted that day,
broke a little,
and reformed
these years since.
Remaking myself
in mine own
image.

A narrow escape
from who I was
raised
to be.

(for that is not always who we were born to be)

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