Wednesday, March 18, 2009

A Misfit Always, Always a Misfit

I feel I have always been the misfit. I usually find seating at the fringe of social environments, and if I sit in the center so that I do not look on the fringe I will have made no real change. Within new social environments I have been capable of quickly finding a narrow set of friends, and an inversely wide ranging allergy to the larger social context. Unable to extend my society beyond two or three associates concurrently, I have known a small series of friends rather well. I feel that we have known one another well. I cannot assume with any accuracy that my perspective of shared experiences matches the perspective of others. A misfit always: by nature, by nurture, and doubly by the vast profusion of causal factors untraceable by means of unaided human mental faculties: always a misfit.

I do not believe I choose to be the misfit. There is little choosing as clear and distinct as to be called choice. There is little choice involved, for the misfit or the population of the remainder. The dynamic was well established during childhood, and the parties have not substantially changed due to the onset of adult latitude. Others still find it difficult to understand me and I find it difficult to communicate with them. These problems have not been resolved over time; in fact they have increased significantly with age.

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