Technomonk

Resolution: Do more X. Do less Y.

2012-01-08T20:43:00.000-06:00

Many personal failures come from the simple failure to consider momentum.

1 Question Down, Millions More To Go

2011-11-21T19:45:00.000-06:00

Because we're small and the problems we worry about are bigger than ourselves. That’s why we cooperate. That's sufficient cause.

Alive 24/7

2011-10-30T07:21:00.000-05:00

We also live in our dreams, we do not live only by day.

Jung Carl; The Red Book pg. 242

As day requires night and night requires day, so meaning requires absurdity and absurdity requires meaning.

Jung Carl; The Red Book pg. 242

IDM Kid

2011-10-08T18:30:00.003-05:00

Occasional reset

2011-10-06T08:34:00.001-05:00

Some days i have to take a deep breath and remember the relative priority of work is medium, not high.

Shared reality

2011-09-28T08:52:00.001-05:00

We share a reality to the extent we've share life experience.

Reality is Circumstance

2011-08-27T10:10:00.001-05:00

"The pre-Socratic Greek philosopher Parmenides taught that the only things that are real are things which never change... and the pre-Socratic Greek philosopher Heraclitus taught that everything changes. If you superimpose their two views, you get this result: Nothing is real."

— Philip K. Dick

Reality Takes its Toll

2011-08-24T17:10:00.005-05:00

Some ideas live freely in the minds of men while some must pay their way daily lest they slip into static pockets of curiosity.

self respect

2011-08-24T17:10:00.004-05:00

While it is easy to doubt ones self, it should still be done with caution.

Analog Me

2011-08-03T11:25:00.001-05:00

Never expect perfection from others. Perfection is not human. We are analog, not digital creatures. Human plans are imperfect, meant to be adjusted and tuned in as they play out.

Requirements Documents

2011-07-24T16:48:00.000-05:00

Steve Zissou: If you're not against me, don't cross this line! If yes, do.

Reminding Myself

2011-06-02T17:37:00.004-05:00

Teacher: "How can the rational animal, man, be happy being anything but reasonable?"
Student: "He cannot."
Teacher: "Am I happy in direct proportion to how reasonable I'm being?
Student: "You are."
Teacher: "So, to be happier I must strive to be more reasonable."
Student: "Yes."
Teacher: "Then why do you persist in concerning yourself with what you cannot control?"
Student: "Because I am unhappy."

Notes from a new exercise

2011-05-27T16:20:00.001-05:00

I once did not love you [0], now I do [0,1), yet never perfectly [1] for I am human <1.

I did not know you [0], now I do [0,1), but not perfectly [1] for I must also attend to myself >0.

New Age of Unrest

2011-04-08T07:01:00.000-05:00

I'm impressed with the wave of democratic reforms sweeping across the middle east. The people are brave and passionate. They are plunging into uncertainty. They are fighting their oppressors. They are taking their freedom seriously. They are making history and living it. I'm all proud of humanity again!

2011-03-21T16:20:00.003-05:00

I am quiet.

At a concert you either listen or you shout.
(And I refuse to shout)

2011-03-14T16:20:00.000-05:00

I am small.
Camouflage maintains freedom of movement.

2011-03-13T16:20:00.000-05:00

I am small.
Satisfaction is enough.

2011-03-12T09:44:00.001-06:00

Philosophy does not promise to secure anything external for man, otherwise it would be admitting something that lies beyond its proper subject-matter. For as the material of the carpenter is wood, and that of statuary bronze, so the subject-matter of the art of living is each person's own life.

Epictetus

2011-03-11T16:20:00.001-06:00

I am small.
Courtesy accumulates hope.

2011-03-10T16:20:00.001-06:00

I am small.
Flexibility retains relevance.

2011-03-09T16:20:00.000-06:00

I am small.
Silence preserves flexibility.

2011-03-08T16:20:00.001-06:00

I am small.
Truth conserves power.

Voluntary Association

2011-02-20T09:36:00.001-06:00

The greatest honor I can think of us
Is for one person to change themselves
in response to the behavior or another.

Creature of Habit

2011-02-20T09:12:00.000-06:00

Without consistency there would be no surprise.

The importance of consistency in how the mind works is too often undervalued. Consistency establishes pattern, which allows us the power of prediction. Without prediction there is no trust, and upon trust society was weaned from the family.

I no longer wonder why

2011-02-18T17:00:00.018-06:00

What a strange little life I lead;
driving in a lonely bubble to and from work,
scratching around in a little cube all day,
looking out windows and over half walls.
Wondering why.

I no longer wonder why so few people care
about the abuse of chickens kept in tiny cages.
Most people don't feel much better off.
Most people wonder who will care about them,
and who will trouble themselves
about their little freedoms

Out of Band or Off the Map?

2011-02-06T15:27:00.000-06:00

Consciousness exists in a band of circumstantial precision. We can reach outside this band with theory and praxis, but we can not live there. The atom will never be as real as this wooden table, as this plastic keyboard. Our genetic ancestors will never have the presence that our children do, and so will naturally possess an element of fantasy, not quite real, distant and difficult to resolve. We find ourselves squinting at these concepts, these realities outside of our perception.

All men, for all time, have lived their lives within this perceptual band. They may have had a narrower band, but none larger. Different men have different perceptual capacities and so will have different bands. The human consciousness is bounded by our perceptual capabilities, in this we are all equal. These boundaries differ but the standard deviation is incredibly small. Greater deviation is to be found in the way this space is occupied. Imagine our perceptual band is a long sheet of brilliantly white butchers paper. Each tiny step of thought, each pixel of knowledge and conception, all that could be said to happen within our minds, all that could be called a component of consciousness, all these things leave small inky black wet prints. There are darker spots in the center, venturing out, covering the paper. Areas of thick tracking look likes mountains or lines of terrain. Stand back a few feet and it appears a map, constantly being redrawn but at a level of detail that you can no longer perceive. Stand further back, it can seem static at this distance, but you know it teams, you must but step a bit closer, now closer still.

The Dude Abides

2011-02-04T14:40:00.001-06:00

That man is at leisure who actually perceives the leisure he has.

Seneca, Dialogues and Essays
On the Shortness of Life, Part 12

Notes from a work week

2011-01-29T15:46:00.000-06:00

[0,1)

Perfection is not experienced, it is imagined.

No quality is without the possibility of improvement.

-

Life doesn't bend to our plans and desires, it takes no notice at all.

Heights are Precipices

2011-01-26T07:27:00.000-06:00

Another quote from Seneca that I really liked:

Let us abandon those things that cannot be done or can only be done with difficulty, and let us pursue what lies close to us and mocks our hope, but let us realize that all of them are equally unimportant, different to look at externally but inside equally futile. And let us not envy those who stand on a higher station: what appeared as heights are precipices.

Totems

2011-01-21T16:12:00.002-06:00

Perfection is not experienced, it is imagined.
What must begin with imagination gives way to experience.
Fact replaces perfection.

2011-01-12T10:19:00.000-06:00

Wherever there is a human being, there exists the opportunity for an act of kindness.

Seneca, On The Happy Life, 24

Practicalities of Effort

2011-01-05T15:34:00.002-06:00

I was reading the Wikipedia entry on Saturnalia, like I do every year, and realized I was not invited to a single drunken orgy this year. Although I did attend several dinners where we ate until excess laid us on couches, leaving us passive with TV. What stories will be left behind by our celebrations, by our own version of conservatism.

What lessons are we teaching our children, ultimately ourselves, by these strange festivals we practice? I'm not sure I feel like peeling back this wrapping. Maybe there is no rush to find faults when so many have already been found. Or maybe its important to know what must be done so we can put them in their proper order. How will we know if a supreme issues lies hidden while we focus on getting our children to say, thank you. So should we focus on the problems we have already worked to discover, or should we ensure that we have discovered them all? Is there value in leaving some illusions in place, leaving some opinions raveled, or is the greater value in the revelation?

I do not know. I will let the practicalities of effort place me somewhere between. I'm tired often, and I'm happy to leave ignorance alone, but when problems shine lights on flaws I'll grab my shovel without regard to how tired I may feel. What must be done should be tended to first, then rest, and if time remains, improvement.

Flying Lotus, "Zodiac Sh*t"

2010-12-11T18:19:00.000-06:00

Advice on Interview Anxiety

2010-12-02T10:33:00.001-06:00

When experiencing anxiety while interviewing for a job, remember that you have no control over whether they hire you or not. The decision is theirs, not yours, you have no control. Holding the "getting the job" goal will continue to cause anxiety. Instead internalize your goal, into being friendly, clear and reasonable. Make your goal an accurate presentation of yourself. This is within your control. If you can give up the goals that are outside your control and pick up the ones that are within your control, you will find that your anxiety is replaced by confidence.

In this way each interview is a chance for you to practice reasonable self presentation. Do this and you've succeeded. The decision to hire you or not, is someone else's chance to be reasonable. Wish them the best, knowing you've kicked ass.

(This can of course be applied to other things... but I've been applying it to an extended interview process :-)

2010-11-03T23:06:00.001-05:00

When a relationship is unequal, the benefiting member becomes a constant salesman or dictator. The message is controlled and repeated in either case. No weakness shown, no doubt allowed. This is the easiest way to know a message is insincere.

2010-11-03T22:48:00.002-05:00

The shocking prospect of the public forcing children to learn myth as a replacement for science, shows a fundamental lack of understanding, that there is a difference between them.
-

This leads to the realization that our best and brightest are not our loudest. That we are not in a meritocracy but the roles we look at are low level positions available to the most morally malleable. Point in case, newly elected individuals saying things to the effect of, we want to work together but we won't compromise. How can they possibly be defining "working together" and "compromise". Their distance from shore is the best indication that they are driven by winds we don't see, effect or benefit from.
-

I wish I could admire someone in power, but the system makes sure this is not possible.
-

This is not a meritocracy.
-

It's becoming clear that this may not be the best possible solution.
-

A meritocracy must also prove itself in peace time. If a society can not be fair in peace time then we should all assume any balancing during war is temporary.
-

The system works whether or not the candidates are corrupt or not. It simply does not matter. Once you are a function of a class you serve the static purpose of that class.
-

And where do you think that political candiate got the millions they spent running for office?
-

And why do you, being rational and insightful as you are, think any political candiadte is given millions and millions of dollars to run for office?

2010-11-02T23:04:00.001-05:00

While I am an American, I don't feel this with the strength that our ancestors seemed to have. National sentiment was once a strong current that reordered the globe. It seems to be ebbing away from us now, leaving us on unfamiliar shores waiting for the belonging to return. Geographical identities no longer fit right, snug where they shouldn't be and baggy everywhere else. I'm looking for a new social identity to wear, one that fits, one that feels natural and meaningful enough to become a way of life.

And by the way, I know better than to try and buy a solution. Real social groups, the ones that matter, don't make anyone rich. They are not a business. Fuck your business.

I Bought an Iron Chariot on EBay (Just in Case)

2010-10-16T13:23:00.001-05:00

Today I learned that Christians who believe the bible to be infallible must also believe that God is powerless to overcome iron chariots.

And the LORD was with Judah; and he drove out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron. (Judges 1:19 KJV)

Prayer Tactics Learned from Observation

2010-10-15T10:17:00.001-05:00

There is an abortion clinic a few blocks from my home. It is usually a quiet small business, except for a few times a year when Christian groups come out to protest and generally harass and make a nuisance of themselves. They have signs about prayer and shutting down the legal small business, etc. What's funny is that their prayers are obviously not working. Its the fourth or fifth "40 days of prayer" and nothing has changed. Their prayers are so obviously not effective that its surprising to me that they still come. But I realize now that they don't actually expect their prayers to be answered. They are their to be seen. To embarrass and make it difficult for others to exercise their personal beliefs. I realized that these people are exhibitionists. They are their to protest the personal freedoms being exercised by others, in ways they don't agree with. They are basically bullies.

By watching these Christians I have come up with the following list of prayer tactics:

Kneeling makes a prayer more powerful.
Prayer power decreases with range, closer to target is better.
Prayer power increases when pointed directly at the target.
Prayer power is maximized when touching the target.
Prayer power is multiplied by the number of people praying for the same thing.
Prayer can force others to do things the way the prayer wants them to, and this seems to be a justified use of force. And is not considered rude or bullying.
Prayer cannot be tested, it always works even when it doesn't.
Unlike wishes you can pray for more prayer. :-)

2010-10-15T10:01:00.000-05:00

The great thing about the singularity (a.k.a. nerd\science\atheist heaven) is that even those that don't believe in it will enjoy it.

A Lesson in Towel Usage

2010-09-28T10:58:00.001-05:00

- OK. I'm ready to get out.

+ Wait. First, use your hands to whisk the water off your head, now shake your head briskly.

- OK. Done

+ Now, hand whisk the water from your arms and torso.

- Done.

+ Now, hold one leg in the air and shake it briskly, but carefully, and step out of the bath with that leg first.

- This feels silly.

+ Steady yourself by placing your opposing hand against the tile.

- That’s easier, but no less silly.

+ Now that you have one leg out of the bath, shake the other leg briskly.

- Can't I get my towel first?

+ No. Your legs hold a lot of water and the more that you remove the less that is left for the towel to absorb.

- Isn't that the point of the towel? To absorb?

+ Yes, but it is a tool to absorb what you can't yourself remove or what has not already air dried. Now, shake your left leg briskly.

- There, done. And still embarrassing and silly btw.

+ The next step depends on time and modesty constraints. Optimally, given time and modesty requirements, you would stand still or go about your other bathroom tasks until completely air dried. The towel is used when you must be clothed faster or share the facilities sooner. The towel is used to speed a process in which it is not essential.

- The towel is nice though. Why shouldn't I just use it right off, it will dry.

+ No matter how soft, the towel will remove essential oils from your skin and will often leave the impression of dryness while leaving areas still wet, leading to you getting dressed too soon, which in turn leads to fungal infections, etc. Also, the more moisture the towel absorbs the more likely it is to mildew before drying out. Increasing washing and subsequently replacement requirements.

- Ewww.

+ Yes. The towel is a useful tool but should be used appropriately and not without necessity.

- It still feels very silly, and what if someone sees me shaking my legs like that.

+ Early man didn't feel silly shaking their hair about their faces, and staring into the wind coming off the surf.

- Maybe they ran down the beach until they were dry.

+ And maybe when they were very dirty, they would run and fall into the sand rolling until they were covered, before diving back into the water, splashing the day from their bodies. Swimming into the cool embrace of the bay.

- And then :-)

+ Then they walk out and sit, each in her favorite spot, on logs surrounding a newly lit fire. Or standing holding his hands to the fire, noticing the first glimpse of sister moon. All their hair blown dry by the wind, filling them with the scent of salt and dry wood smoke.

- That sounds nice.

+ Maybe this summer you should camp by the beach and give it a try. BTW - Are you dry yet?

- Yes, perfectly so. [Lesson Received] I admit my skin feels better, more intact, if that makes any sense.

+ It does. I know exactly what you mean. When this was first told to me I camped at the beach with friends, and it was the best weekend of the summer. I met my wife that weekend ;-)

- Thank you, very well instructed. [Credit exchanged, with honors]

+ My pleasure. [honors accepted]

2010-08-18T07:16:00.000-05:00

Out of the shower

And comfortably in my office

Baby monitor quiet

And waiting for purpose

Leaving me to mine

2010-08-15T07:14:00.000-05:00

Loyalty received

Becomes loyalty owed

And in this way

(along with many others)

I am not debt free

Amusement helps mental hygene

2010-08-05T11:01:00.001-05:00

If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.

Herman Hesse

I'm not sure how accurate this statement is and doubt it could be well verified, but it gives me a healthy pause and cause to evaluate my own sentiments towards others. And any check on the tongue is usually good.

It also comes amusingly to mind when friends and family share their partisan bile with me. I try to keep from responding instead waiting to change the subject, and think of this quote which provides a little amusement to protect against the bitterness so many loved ones with to share.

Greek proverb quotes

2010-08-03T13:43:00.001-05:00

A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in.

I worry that our current crop of old men are burning the trees for profit, not worrying about where the following generation will find shade.

Act quickly, think slowly.

I remind myself of this when I get anxious to act but I'm not yet done thinking.

Weaponized Airborne Pathogen

2010-07-29T14:03:00.000-05:00

Perspective would be a powerful tool,
If only we could wield it.

Is there another shoe?

2010-07-10T11:54:00.000-05:00

The problem is this:
I feel good.
I'm at home,
I'm comfortable, and
this could be sustained
indefinitely.

But is this
the right thing?
Shouldn't I be suffering?

I get tense waiting
for authority to discover
my comfort and security
for negative eyes and hearts
to take hold of it
and pull it away.

Will they be waking me up,
doing me a service?
Or will they simply be forcing me
to join them
in their heroic discomfort?

What am I looking for this morning?

2010-06-27T11:43:00.001-05:00

I'm hunting for something.

I feel that pull,
vague and unspecified,
for an unknown satisfaction
of an unnamed need.

I feel the itch,
but my fingers are lost
and idle.
I've been surfing for hours
looking but not finding
leaving unsatisfied
thinking that I need more discipline.
Maybe I've been too soft;
too easy on myself.

Whatever I'm missing
will take more than surfing,
more than chemicals
and more than love
(and hugs and kisses)
to finally find.

And even though I don't know what I need
I do know that it will take more than tonight;
More than years of tonight.
I will need stamina and vigor.
I will need focus and humility
to find my elusive and unpopular prize

I also know
that I may never find it
but that does not change
the fact that searching
is the closest to finding
I've experienced yet.

Its a relief
to search.

We Walked Out

2010-06-20T07:58:00.000-05:00

Squirrel sits on back porch,
Casual .
Eating last week's bread.
Rotating crust in eager hands.
Munching until its crumbs. He's done.
Back to the table for another.
It’s the garden of Eden for this one.

On The Job Training

2010-06-19T13:34:00.002-05:00

We learn how to be married,
How to be parents, and friends.
We learn how to grow old.

We are constant amateurs.

patholysis

2010-06-14T15:30:00.003-05:00

Interesting article about personal freedom. It got me thinking about freedom, especially personal freedom.

I was surprised that the interviewer wasn't more of a self-righteous ass-hat. He wasn't.

The single worst moment of my life... was the moment I was born.
-
Recently, I had three former CEOs of companies -- perfectly healthy -- who called me up and told me they wish to die.
--Dr. Jack Kevorkian

Onions aren't so bad

2010-06-11T16:20:00.002-05:00

She was crying in the kitchen

I ignored this, until I couldn't

Beer reluctantly put down

Slow walk into adjoining room

I asked the required question,

"What's wrong?"

A quick wipe of the eyes

And a, "Nothing"

"Nothing, really"

"Just chopping onions".

Which she was.

But she was not just tearing up

Her eyes were not simply leaking

She was sobbing before I came in

And onions do not do that.

They do not push grown women beyond tears

into muffled sobs and gentle body shakes.

Onions do not do that.

I felt awkward

And unprepared.

"Move over, I'll finish chopping these"

"Onions hardly effect me at all"

She didn't resist

Smiled weakly

But sweetly,

"Thanks,"

"I'll be right back"

Which she was.

2010-06-09T16:20:00.004-05:00

Each new generation will find

a reason to doubt the present

And hope for a future more to their liking

2010-06-04T14:26:00.000-05:00

I'm an amateur at this

I'm half way through my life expectancy

And I still don't really know what to expect

Part of me wants the change to stop

Or at least to slow way down

Give us a rest

Let us get some confidence,

Let us bring some professionalism to living

This is the same part of me

That dreams of perfection,

the number one, Infinity,

And one hundred percent.

We must conceive of perfection

We must be able to make use of the ideal

But to believe in it

To measure life against it

To use it as a light

To cast your shadows of purpose with it

Is a dangerous abuse

2010-06-02T16:43:00.002-05:00

If you can do it when you want to

There is a better chance of doing it when you have to

You Are One

2010-05-30T16:44:00.000-05:00

Who you are at work

Is also

Really who you are

Its not a free zone

Or anything like that

It is really you

Those are really

The choices you have made

Those are really other people

This is you

You are what you do

You are what you have done

And work counts

Its not a free zone or anything

Its not Las Vegas

Its you

Its your life

It all counts

It affects you

And changes you

You are what you do

What you do

During each mundane

Day of your life

That is you

You are what you have done

You are a sum

An amalgam of your

Experience

And work

Work is part of your life

Work counts

Its not a free zone

Or anything like that

2010-05-29T16:39:00.001-05:00

If you can't be honest

You aren't really being

Positive Advice

2010-05-28T16:39:00.000-05:00

If you're going to hear without listening

You might as well get more comfortable

With silence, its more relaxing that way

2010-05-27T10:08:00.001-05:00

Without questions

answers lose meaning,

context dissolves, and

they cannot guide us back to questions lost.

Without answers

questions remain meaningful,

regain purpose, and

guide us back to answer forgotten.

Being a dick

2010-05-26T10:05:00.003-05:00

When you learn

When you finally grow up

You won't have so many answers

And the few remaining

won't be absolute

Instead,

You will gain questions

And the ability to question.

You will gain an offensive weapon.

Once you realize that answers

Were never more than shields and walls

meant to defend, meant to maintain

Once you realize that questions

Were always more than query

You will realize that

Answers are a last resort

While questions remain

Unsatisfied.

Answers have a certain appeal despite the obvious drawbacks

2010-05-25T10:02:00.000-05:00

Questions thrive in tended soil

Since stable times

and among peaceful minds,

While answers riot in the wilds

Through uncertain days,

and unexamined ways.

Leaning back in my chair

2010-05-24T10:49:00.001-05:00

When I am at the greatest peace
there is music and laughter,
there is food and drink,
there is excess,
and the quiet crawl of moments
spent balanced on the peek
of what was hoped for

Offensive Weapon

2010-05-23T10:41:00.001-05:00

New music playing in the kitchen

Girls laughing in the back of the house

Times are good

Uncertain maybe

But all times are uncertain

To those who know enough to ask questions

To those who are bold enough to let them hang

Unanswered

In the air

Waiting for the wind of quiet mental processes

For the wind of experience and daily living

To blow questions together

into new forms until one

Finally chimes

A quiet chorus for

the birth of a new idea

For what's an idea untried, but a question

An invitation to understand

An opportunity to be changed

2010-05-13T09:30:00.002-05:00

The real conversation doesn't start
until you've run out of things to say.

2010-05-07T07:47:00.000-05:00

Good questions make good answers possible

2010-04-22T08:32:00.001-05:00

I just realized I should absolutely dress up as Hunter S. Thompson for this year's Eyore's birthday party. Now I must find some passable glasses, bucket hat, and cigarette stem thing... Oh and some type of horrible Hawaiian print shirt. Then when I'm walking around with five local brewery beers, three held by me and one each by my wife and daughter, as I'm working through these while standing in line for charity food stuffs I'll just be "in character". When I'm sipping from an empty cup and staring 10 degrees above the horizon of anything interesting I'll be wonderfully and creatively "in character".

Happiest Holiday

2010-04-20T16:20:00.003-05:00

Douglas Adams was wrong by an order of magnitude

2010-04-16T08:50:00.004-05:00

Can you imagine what I would do if I could do all I can?

He who knows when he can fight and when he cannot, will be victorious.

Sun Tzu

Formal Resignation

2010-04-14T09:30:00.007-05:00

I resigned from my position as Design Team Lead this week. I'm looking forward to beginning fresh efforts next month. What are they in detail? Not sure yet, and that is one of the most exciting parts. I've never felt more sure of anything this uncertain before.

2010-04-14T08:36:00.000-05:00

Planning is always iterative
Never measure more than twice before you cut
You'll always do it better the second time, so get the first one out of the way quickly.

Salary Man Pride

2010-04-13T08:36:00.004-05:00

We are the bent tree rooted into a cliff's edge

Scrawny and ugly to the eye, we stand alone.

Our bent backs point the direction of the wind

A witness to what has warped us

Into these survival shapes

We have views the comfy forest trees will never know

We compete with no other trees

We compete with the forces trying to kill us

Both within and without

We stand and suffer, bent and austere

We are the proudest of trees

Our survival is our glory

Our solitude is our pride

Readiness

2010-04-12T08:44:00.000-05:00

I am a dormant god
in unremarkable circumstance
slumbering through the years
waiting to be called upon
waiting to be roused
while fully aware that waiting
may be all I ever achieve
that my potential may be bled away
in obscure readiness.

2010-04-11T07:58:00.000-05:00

Living forever is expensive. Due to the expense, it is also quite complicated.

2010-04-10T12:11:00.000-05:00

I feel wild tonight, frayed and blurring like the cuff that habitually slips under the shoe, undone by habit.

2010-04-09T08:57:00.000-05:00

I don't believe in your promises

I won't give away my present

For your corporate lottery ticket

I don't care about your million dollar dreams

You may describe a better future

But it will involve a worse present

All the way up to the moment

I finally realize you've lied to yourself and others

And I won't be able to blame anyone but myself

For believing such obvious bullshit.

2010-04-08T09:08:00.000-05:00

I don't believe in your promises

I won't give away my present

For your corporate lottery ticket

I don't care about your million dollar dreams

You may describe a better future

But it will involve a worse present

All the way up to the moment

I finally realize you've lied to yourself and others

And I won't be able to blame anyone but myself

For believing such obvious bullshit.

2010-04-08T07:49:00.002-05:00

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

Bertrand Russell

2010-04-07T09:00:00.000-05:00

What would I do if I was rich. I would actually enjoy my work.

I would probably work harder and longer

I would probably smile and lose vices, and

some day I would create something

Something that you would want

That society craves from need

Not for puerile gratification or distraction

But for reformation and change

To enable us to suffer less

To make it more obvious why we don't kill ourselves

Freed from my dependence on wages

I would voluntarily labor

And strive

And risk

And enjoy each and every day.

That is the job I hope to land someday.

It is the only one I can imagine allowing

Me to do good work and to practice and perfect

My craft and my skills.

2010-04-06T14:28:00.002-05:00

She will either listen to me or not
That decision is hers not mine
All I can do is speak

Please, do not speak to me right now.

2010-04-01T14:01:00.000-05:00

If I wore a shirt that said, "Please, do not speak to me right now." It would be accurate for the vast majority of people coming into visual proximity. The sad part is that those who read it and don't speak would be more worth while than those who either didn't read it or didn't care and spoke to me anyway. So I'm not wearing the shirt due to concern that I would only really exclude myself from the more valuable parts of the populace.

2010-03-31T08:03:00.002-05:00

Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence

Carl Sagan

2010-03-30T12:42:00.000-05:00

After being long pursued by events
and run down by responses
I feel a moment of respite
clean air in and out of lungs without hurry
eyes filled with vistas instead of foot steps
a moment of pause
before continuing
as I know I must
a moment reminding me
of why I continue to run.

2010-03-24T07:57:00.013-05:00

Occasionally little bursts of energy move through me, like
brief bolts of charge
   bravely moving through
   long dry electrical lines, or
warm blood reanimating long dormant faculties.
In these moments I revive briefly, with
feelings of power fueled optimism
knowledge of what
   I could do next.

Origin of stories?

2010-03-22T20:58:00.000-05:00

The boy drags a stick underneath the bows of a tree grown thick and heavy. A large bird flaps black wings, squawking. The boy looks up at the bird with a scowl, "Why don't the birds trust us? We don't eat them and we don't kill them, yet they flee our approach."

"These birds have never trusted men. ", says his grand mother, carefully picking her steps beside him.

"Why?"

"I'm sure it has something to do with a man taking a woman who was not his to take. That’s how trust is lost among all nature's foolish spawn.", she scowls in turn at the boy's father standing yards ahead guarding the way into denser forest.

The boy watches the bird sink into the thick green canopy across the valley wondering if birds remember ancient wrongs in the same way he is reminded.

Advice for Alice

2010-03-16T20:13:00.002-05:00

Impossible is a word
too often used.
Assume its use
in common discourse
to mean highly improbable.
Assume its use
in rational discourse
to mean something beyond
what is commonly known
to be possible.
Further assume
discourse to be without reason
until proven otherwise.

2010-03-12T08:37:00.001-06:00

There is only one exit from this room.
The exit is always available, always free
and always within reach.
There is no reason to hurry:
The sale does not end today,
This is not a limited time offer,
Supplies are unlimited, and
The option will not expire.

2010-03-10T20:40:00.002-06:00

I stood outside tonight
In the drizzle and wind
And remembered an old job
Standing out side in the dark
Patrolling the dock and the parks
I had a goatee then, same as now
Most everything else though
Has changed

Tommy On The Shore

2010-03-07T11:17:00.002-06:00

The sunrise was the most beautiful thing Tommy had noticed in years. He blinked. He shook his head. His mind cleared and he unclenched his fists. He looked down at a sudden splash and remembered the young man he was drowning. He slowly lowered both arms to his sides, job completed he thought. He watched the new corpse floated away, slowly spinning towards the sea. Tommy looked up and blinked. Tommy stood empty before a full sunrise feeling as if he had forgotten or lost something. Something of value.

Seven years prior Tommy had solved a temporary unemployment problem with a long term employment one. He joined a guild. This guild required seven years of Tommy's life. This guild required extreme training. He learned skills and acquired abilities, until he was called adept. A new adept is sent on a mission unlikely to succeed. The candidate may refuse and return to life outside the guild or they may accept. Acceptance is exile until death or success. Upon success the adept returns to take his place in the role the guild plays in the affairs of the world. The guild which he joined has great influence over the remains of the world.

Tommy remembered the young man's name. He remembered his face, much younger than his own. His name was Byron and he was called adept two years prior. He was a prodigy. Tommy remembered, Byron had been too sweet for the assignment he was given and refused. Tommy had imagined Byron living good, maybe cooking in an inn next to some ancient quarry. Tommy had imagined that all the houses were made from stone, stone left in the nearby quarry. Tommy had dreamed that when he was free to leave the guild he would go work in that quarry. He was large enough and strong enough. He and Byron would drink together again and live simple lives free from training and violence. Tommy stood in front of the sunrise, knelt and bowed his head. He was being foolish he knew, those dreams were floating dead.

Tommy splashed himself with water, washing the blood from his face, hands, and the stubble covering his scalp, gone sticky. Pulling his hand across his scalp, sent water spraying; a sharp halo in the pinkish water around him.

He stood, clean. He checked himself for wounds or visible bruising. He found none. He never knew that refusal meant death, until now. Now he knew. There were rumors, but they were not taken seriously. They were not believed. He had proven those rumors true today. Now, he knew that every adept of his guild had proven the rumor true as well, each and every one of them.

Adepts of this guild often prove rumors to be true. Tommy now had a decision that his masters had not prepared him for, he can return and take a position in the guild or he could continue and find a place out side the guild. Not in his imagined rock quarry but the world was broad and wide and he had no doubt he could prove useful to other, more generous masters.

Of course, he would be hunted.

2010-03-01T20:52:00.001-06:00

We never really know what we are doing

We learn, we get better, we improve

But the goal line keeps moving

There is no finishing this process

We'll never know what we are doing

Not really

Mission Statements, Handbooks, and Trickle Down Oppression

2010-02-24T07:58:00.005-06:00

Its amazing how quickly and vigorously a company can crush personal initiative. Such a hidden eagerness to take and take and reduce until the only reason you are there is that the pay is barely more useful to your life than the job is harmful - such eagerness is psychopathically self damaging. Some people barely care coming into the job but some people care by nature. These people take longer to flatten out and deflate. These people must be beaten and reduced multiple times before they give up, before they are reduced to surviving their days. When the company succeeds in this, as they always do, they have exhibited a broken behavior indicative of corporate governance of its employees.

I can't believe we still work within corporate structures. This is an awful way to govern our efforts.

2010-02-14T16:20:00.000-06:00

Him: "We are forging new traditions here. Every day the hammer of our collective will beats the iron of our people into a new shape. We represent that will. We are the intent behind the blows, and the state is the force reshaping the iron."

Her: "I thought we were having fun."

2010-02-02T08:01:00.001-06:00

We are mortal
and our lives are short.
-

We have too little time
to make enough mistakes
to adequately learn from.
We simply need more time to fail,
more freedom for wrong decisions, and
more trust to waste on pride.
Or we must supplement our lack
by learning from the mistakes of others.
We must study history so our brevity
becomes a bit less redundant,
a bit less pathetic.
We must study our personal histories
so we are not doomed to repeat ourselves.
We must study ancient and modern history
so we are not doomed to repeat others.
We are limited by our brief lives
but we can learn from our own experience
and we can learn even more from the brief lives
stacked up beneath our feet.
-

We are mortal
and our lives are short
but we need not be
limited by this.

Restful

2010-01-16T08:28:00.002-06:00

Breathing fresh air

Is like drinking water

Or closing your eyes

Reminder

2010-01-14T20:13:00.000-06:00

Among those who do not think, the thinking must be careful lest their difference be exposed.

2010-01-07T09:07:00.002-06:00

Work life. I hate that phrase.

Name Unneeded

2010-01-06T09:07:00.000-06:00

Certain moments occurring singly on rare days within the brief span of an anonymous life are inexplicably enjoyed. There is no way to understand them, they conform to no reason, and therefore cannot be anticipated, hoped for, or willfully repeated. These moments while fleeting leave an impression. Some with sufficient temerity call this lingering impression happiness. I do not. I do not know what to call this impression, but it does not need a name to make the mud of daily life stick less to the boots, reducing the sucking sounds of our little march.

Setting

2009-12-11T18:00:00.000-06:00

Two massive star ships have been built. Their construction has left the earth with massive gouges out of her. Huge quarries carving out chunks of nations. We sent a large part of ourselves into space. Those of us left behind must wait. We must wait generations for those that left to come back.

I don't remember the last starship. I was born in the absence, and while science progresses heroically, I will not be well preserved enough to witness the return. I'm a child of the absence.

Our grandparents would see the absence whenever they looked up and the orbital docks were dark. They had grown up with them. The date time stamp logged when the orbital docks went dark, officially marked the beginning of the absence. That generation lost a small moon on their night sky and any tenacious hopes still lingering in the hearts of those remaining.

The living remainder don't remember the dock moon. We don't remember the pride and sorrow of humanity's mitosis. We do see the absence though; when we skirt the deep scars cut from earth, when we see the remains of the past and wonder at what has been spent. We feel the absence not from being left behind, but from being adrift. We study history and wonder.

2009-12-10T18:30:00.001-06:00

A process cannot be understood by stopping it. Understanding must move with the flow of the process, must join it and flow with it.

The First Law of Mentat, quoted by Paul Atreides to Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam

Favored wording:

A process cannot be understood by stopping it. Understanding moves with the flow of process, joins it and flows with it.

2009-12-09T18:37:00.001-06:00

Any road followed precisely to its end leads precisely nowhere.

from Muad'Dib: Family Commentaries by the Princess Irulan

Remember, Remember the 4th of November

2009-12-03T08:57:00.001-06:00

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

Seneca (Roman philosopher, mid-1st century AD)

This is such a sobering statement (My current employer is doing a reorganization and this quote seemed an appropriate thing to remember, while I listen to streams of upbeat and positive adjectives for the next few days).